My Bipolar Voice

Feeling Like Myself Again

                                                                                                                                                                    Kim 05-18-18

After getting notified that my permanent disability was about to be approved, I went to see my therapist to discuss whether or not permanent disability was what I really wanted. We talked about what it would mean to me to not work and what I would do with my time.  We also discussed the pros and cons of not working. I’m not a person with a lot of hobbies, so not working would be a struggle for me, because it would be hard for me to stay busy.  The pros we discussed were I’d have more time to focus on my treatment plan for my bipolar, and I wouldn’t have the added stress from working, which may eventually trigger another episode.

The cons of not working, definitely outweighed the pros.  The cons are not having a lot to do with my time, loss of self-worth, lack of money to maintain my current lifestyle, and possible resentment from my husband, who would have to take on the majority of the financial responsibility.  The main con, which stuck out to me the most, was the loss of self-worth.  This con was not acceptable to me, so I made a decision that day at therapy, that I was determined to go back to work.

I’m not much a religious person these days, but I do consider myself a believer in God and the power of prayer.  I began to pray at night, while in bed and usually while in tears.  I prayed for guidance on what to do and for God to open the door to what he had planned for me.  After praying for a few days, I started to feel a little better about my situation, and began to search for jobs.

I mentioned, in a previous blog post, that I had resigned from my last job as an Executive Assistant in October of 2017.  I really enjoyed that position and loved my boss, but at the time I was not well enough to maintain the position.  I felt like I might be strong enough to possibly go back to that company, that is, if they would have me back. I decided to text the HR Director, who I had become friends with and worked closely with at that company.  I had the phone in my hand to text her, and then I suddenly decided it was a bad idea and changed my mind.  What happened next is beyond astonishing.  The following day, the HR Director called me. I was in complete shock to see her name on my phone screen.  She asked me how I had been feeling since I left the company.  I let her know that I was in a better place now and working everyday to get even better. She explained that my boss, from when I worked there, really wanted me to come back to the company.  I was ecstatic!  The HR Director explained that my boss wanted to meet with me that weekend at Starbucks to discuss my return to the company. I graciously accepted the meeting with my old boss, who is the VP of the company.

The VP and I met on a Saturday afternoon at Starbucks.  She politely bought us both beverages and we ended up talking, catching up and discussing my return to work for an hour and a half.  The end result was her asking me to come back to work in two weeks, to the same position and same pay.  I was so happy to say yes to her gracious offer.

After two weeks, I went back to work, and its been the best decision I’ve made in a long time.  With the help of my psychiatrist, who adjusted my medications, my therapist, who helped guide me through this difficult time, the help from my family and husband, who listened to my issues when I needed them, and through the power of prayer, I was able to get well enough to return to work and to life.

I went back to work February 19, 2018 and it is now May 18, 2018, about 3 months later.  I am elated that I’ve been able to work again and live a semi-normal happy life these past few months.  The support system that I have, is who I credit for my success thus far.  I will continue to utilize my support system, and hopefully maintain my current lifestyle.

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